.:Dear John:. Ch. oo2

Your eyes flew open, sweat beading on your forehead. You sat up, breathing heavy. "What the fuck was that..." you muttered to yourself. You threw off the blanket that was over you and stood up and walked into the kitchen. You opened one of the cabinets and grabbed a glass and filled it with water. You were about to take a drink when out of the corner of your eyes you saw your writing desk. It had paper, envelopes, and stamps on it from when you and John had been merely pen pals before he had moved closer and you actually got to meet. It had been a high school class assignment... And you weren't sure if you hated your teacher for giving it to you, or loved him for introducing you to John.

You pulled the chair away and sat down at the desk, memories flooding into your mind. You remember your first letter you ever wrote to John.

SEPTEMBER 12TH, 2001
DEAR JOHN,

GOD THIS IS STUPID BUT, I'M KARKAT VANTAS. I LIVE IN JEFFERSON CITY, MISSOURI AND APPARENTLY YOU'RE MY ASSIGNED PENPAL. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY DOING THIS WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME. AND ACCORDING TO THE TEACHER THE LETTER HAS TO CONTAIN THIS EXTREMELY EMBARRASSING, UNNECESSARY SENTENCE.

"I HOPE WE GET TO BE "GREAT" FRIENDS."

SIGNED, KARKAT VANTAS

You sighed. You would've given anything to at least be his pen pal again. It'd be better than never getting to talk to him ever again. Your eyes widen slightly as a thought entered your brain. Who said you couldn't be his pen pal? You set a clean piece of looseleaf paper down in front of you and picked up a grey Sharpie pen and began to write.

FEBRUARY 5TH, 2012
DEAR JOHN,

I FUCKING HATE YOU. HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME LIKE THIS?!

You frowned and marked it out with a line.

FEBRUARY 5TH, 2012
DEAR JOHN,

I FUCKING HATE YOU. HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME LIKE THIS?!
I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE REALLY GONE. I'VE CRIED ENOUGH OVER YOU, YOU'D THINK I'D REALIZE IT. BUT SOMETIMES I JUST EXPECT YOU TO BE SITTING ON MY COUCH, WATCHING SOME BULLSHIT MOVIE WITH NIC CAGE OR MATT MCCONAUGHEY IN IT ON THE TELEVISION WHEN I GET HOME FROM WORK. OR EVERY TIME I OPEN MY MAIL BOX, I SECRETLY HOPE FOR ONE OF YOUR LETTERS. I THINK I'M LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND JOHN...

WHEN YOU WERE ALIVE YOU ALWAYS SAID TO ME THAT YOU WERE A MAGICIAN. YOU'D PREFORM ALL OF THESE REALLY LAME ASS CARD TRICKS AND OTHER BULLSHIT LIKE THAT. I WISH... THAT YOU COULD PREFORM JUST ONE LAST MAGIC TRICK... AND SOMEHOW.. NOT BE DEAD...

LOVE, KARKAT VANTAS

Tears rolled down your cheeks and splashed onto the paper. You wiped your eyes with your hoodie sleeve and folded up the letter and put it in an envelope. You taped it closed like you always did - you refused to touch your tongue to that disgusting shit - and put a stamp on it. You wrote on the back of it with your grey Sharpie pen.

MR. JOHN EGBERT
HEAVEN

If Heaven existed, that's where he was. You were positive. You took the now completed letter and held it up. What were you even doing? Everyone will think you're crazy if they see this. But you didn't give a flying rat's ass what other people thought. Everyone has their own ways of coping with tragedy. This... was yours.